To counteract what I said:

Tony's gone, all the way to Indianola Iowa. and I know that it's stupid to type about it now. Since ya know he's coming back tommorow. But I'm not so sure that I miss him as much as I otherwise should. Or maybe it's not that I Don't miss him. It's just that I know that We're going to be fine? I don't know. I still love him Like crazy. and I still totally want to be with him.

I just don't know why I don't miss him as much as I think I should. Especially when I'm not talking to him. I mean I wish he was here to share in things with me. But mostly I'm just so excited about him being there, that I don't really mind him not sharing in these things with me.

Like last night he didn't call when he said he would. and in any other relationship I would've went off the handle. but with him I was just like "Oh that's fine, he's probably talking to Jon or hanging with the kids, or doing a devotional. I'll just talk to him later."



[[Which by the way for any Tassi to say something like that, is just unnatural]]



anyways...



I'm done with high school. I have to go to graduation on Sunday. But other than that, I'm completely finished.



I lost a few friends this week.



Which is fine, they weren't worth half of what my other ones are.



and most importantly.



I stayed in love.



Which was a worry of mine to be honest with you.



I got a new journal.



It's very pretty. and I like it very much.



I'm going to be like Jane Austen and have long hair and wear ugly clothing, and write ALL THE TIME.



I'm so excited =]

well I guess that's really all for now.

-End.

Copy Cat.

Or just a cat in general I'm not sure.
I'm trying to stop swearing. I promise I am.

It's just hard because 2% of my friends want me to stop and the other 98% either don't care or would much rather me swear instead.

Kyle likes ashley. Which is scary, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I get kinda protective when it comes to that kidd.

Tony is gone. He went away to Iowa last Sunday. Which is fine, it's not like I don't miss him or anything, it's just that he needs to be there, and I need to be here.

I have my last day of highschool tommorow. Which is exciting, yet scary all at the same time.

I kinda feel as if I failed this test God gave me [[highschool I mean]] because I didn't really do anything. I just kept to myself and didn't participate. I had like 3 friends that were consistent.

Which is kinda sad. I feel as if I was supposed to do something more and I didn't.

I lost my dreams. I don't know how I did it, and I don't really know why. But they're gone. I want them back more than anything, it use to be exciting to wake up and try to remember what I dreamed about. But now... there's just nothing. It's really depressing.

I've gotta graduation party this Saturday at my house.
So far I've decided to invite:

ayrton.
ashleigh.
Bobert.
The W. crew. [[only deb can come though]]
Anne and her boyfriend.
Anthony. && his familia.
Mom and Dad McBride. [[Probably Danny as well]]
annd My Adam Gerlach.
Maybe Renee and Cruz too.

Which means I have a whole lotta cleaning to do.
My birthday is on friday.
Which is muey exciting. I'm going to be 18.
but I can't really do anything about being 18 until I get my new social.
[[because then I can get my i.d card]]
and I can't get my new social until my daddy gives me my birth certificate.
[[and that's going to be awhile.]]
I'm going to Bong recreational Park for my birthday.
which should be fun if it doesn't rain.
[[but of course it's supposed to]]
because that's my luck.
BUT! I get to see mah awesome boyfriend.
and my beautiful//wonderful bestfriend.
So I don't really care if it rains syrup.
[[I'm lying I think I'd cry.]]

I'm going to go finish my homework.
do my application [[yes I'm very serious this time]]
and clean mah casa.
oh and then I'm going to go to mah cama.
and dormir for about a bazillion years.

I love you.

A week of things that I'll never forget.

So this week was by far, one of the absolute weirdest I've had in awhile.

there was prayer which was good.

and lack of prayer. [[which doesn't sound good but trust me it'll help in the long run]]

there was gossip. [[which needs to stop]]

there was screaming [[which is going to stop]]

there was crying [[and almost too much]]

and there was realization [[but too late]]

This has been a week of me needing one of those continuous hugs.

just one of those hugs that someone gives you and you know it's been sent from God.

and you melt into it like you were born to be there.

I have banquet tonight.

this is the end of high school.

and I feel like a failure.

-end-

I will remember you.

a time for change.

that's what this is.

I need a serious change of scenery.

I'm thinking I'ma travel this summer.

Just pack up.

and go away.

I'm thinking that would be the best plan.

who's with me?

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to do. It matters if I'm disliked, it really does. I wanted security, that's what I was looking for when I came there, but there was dishonesty, and now I have to choose? This is what I was trying to avoid.

I need to get my thoughts together. I need time to think.

I need to leave.

Let's think about this logically.

h wait, that's right, I'm not logical.

I don't know what I want, or where I'm going.

all I know is that I'm confused about 99.8% of my life.

and the other .2 doesn't even matter.

shoot me now please?