Kenosha Girl.

"You're the only thing that I was ever truly good at."

---

Jersey Girl is a movie that I think everyone should see.

it's amazing.

---

I've got a rash all over my arms and legs.

it kinda itches.

but I think it's kinda going away too.

No I take that back.

I can tell that it's definitely getting better.

God rocks.
and totally answers prayers =]

---

He might come home tommorow..

and if not, then he'll definitely be here monday.

I don't think I've ever been so anxious to see someone.

---

"let's party"

"if by 'party' you mean 'journal' then sure, I'm in."

If the moon fell down tonight.

Everytime i see your smile it makes my hear beat fast. and though it's much too soon to tell, i'm hoping this will last. cuz i just always wanna have you right here by my side. the future's near, but never certain. at least stay here for just tonight. i must've dont something right to deserve you in my life. i must've done something right along the way. i just can't get you off my mind, and why would i even try? even when i close my eyes, i dream about you all the time. i just always wanna have you right here by my side. the future's near, but never certain, so please stay here for just tonight. even if the moon fell down tonight, there'd be nothing to worry about at all because you make the whole world shine. as long as you're here everything will be alright

Falling into place.

Like the pieces in a puzzle.

which is awesome.

---

I haven't really been keeping up with my reading. But I'm going to catch up today, becuase I really want to grab something out of this study Shannon and I are having together. That and I don't have anything else to help me with my spiritual growth right now.

I got a job at faire so I'm going to be working every Sunday.
and my job at market probe is 2nd shift.

which means from 2p.m-10p.m monday-friday I'll be busy.

And saturday and sunday I have to be at faire at 9 and I won't get out of there until around 8 or 8:30.

So I need this Bible study.

---

"Ya know, by looking at your scheduel I'm starting to think you're going to work yourself to death."

"If I don't work myself to death. I won't have a life to live."

A grave without a marker.

Dear God,
I think I've begun to figure it out.
Thanks for the guidance.
it's honestly helping.

---

It's like trying to figure out how much someone really means to you.
and you just can't, you can't find words to describe it.
and then they're dead.
and then what do you do?
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
but you know...
so I guess that helps right?

---

who I am hates who I've been.
but fears who I will become.
so what do I do?

---

"Let's find that spot by the tree."
"That'll take days."
"I've only got one life, I might as well spend it living."

I will remember you.

Shannon is.

amazing, for lack of a better word.

She's just so awesome. I could tell that she was like about to pass out last night, but we started talking about like pastor leigh.
and then my week.
and then guatemala.
and it was soooooo good.

---

"mmmmm......you'll probably be able to see it one day."
"yeah, maybe."
"No, not maybe, definitely definitely. Even if it's just to come and visit me."

---

"I want to figure out how to love people like you love me, because through you I've seen a fraction of what God's love for me is, and honestly I think that's why I'm where I am with him right now. That's all people really want, they just want to be loved. I don't want to feel like I need to judge people, and I don't want people to feel judged by me. Everyone just wants 2 things from other people. Acceptance, or I guess in a way 'forgiveness' and love. and if we can't accept them and love them then how are we supposed to convince them that our God can do that?"

---

I think people in Africa need to come here and show us how to be Christians. Because before they were Christians they put total faith in Satan and Demons for everything. So they were able to do powerful things with that. and then someone explained to them that there was someone who was so much more powerful who loved them and wanted only the best for them. and since they could grasp the fact that satan and his demons were already powerful and since God was so much more powerful. They have like ten billion times more faith than any Americans do. and God preforms so much more through them. We feel as if we don't need God all the time because we live in an awesome country where food isn't scarce. and people aren't eating each other. But in other countrys they have to rely on God for their bare essentials, they have to have faith that God is going to provide thier meal tommorow and the day after that. I think that if Americans had to more dependent on God for everything then there would be alot more faith.

---

"You're not the devil. You're practice"

---

"I didn't come here to thank you. I came here to show you that not everyone in Gotham's afraid of you."

Fears make you weak with a t.

Never again.

sorry.

---

"Hey there girlie"
"...someone from this number just called me?"
"Uhm...yeah, it's me."
"Just like it was yesterday huh?"
"What?"
"That's how I'm supposed to act, right? like we just spoke yesterday?"
"well no...I was just talkin to katelyn and she mentioned she had your new number, and seeing as you're 18 now, and since I'm in town I just thought maybe you'd wanna see me."
"..."
"Girlie?"
"I don't think so no. I'm busy, I'm hanging out with family and friends."
"Well this number is my new one so just gimme a call, I'll be in town until around 7 wednesday night."
"I really don't think that's going to happen."
"You never do."

---

"What hurts the most, is bein' so close, and having so much to say, then watching you walk away."

---

You know what doesn't go well together?

french fries.
and
hot sauce.

What makes a man.

we like people for their qualities

but we love them for their defects

---

"What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them."

---

far far away.

and I'm not going to go.

---

it's like i'm waiting and waiting.
and then when i finally get it.
I'm just afraid that that's when I'm going to lose it for good.
so I'm just consistently nervous.
and then it goes away again.
and the cycle continues.

---

To be secure.

To have inspiration.

To have motivation.

To become the woman I believe whole heartedly that I need to be.

-end-

Convienient.

Which is great.

---

I don't know how much I'd like that traveling so much.

ya know?

It would definitely be an adjustment.

but I guess I'm adapting to it now huh?

---

story writing.

---

Figuring out that everything isn't always for emotions.

most of the time people just do what is more comfortable.

---

I thought you did.

No. I know you did.

but now it's just...

sutures.

"I would but I can't"

"Oh really? why not?"

"I'm thinking that I would much rather not risk you putting something in my drink"

"huh?"

"nothing"

---

I'm having problems with a few people today.

Nothing really serious.

but something that definitely needs to be taken care of soon.

---

If I had the choice to choose if my life could flash before my eyes right before I died or not, I would say no.

I don't want to see my whole life.

I just want to see the important parts, the parts where I was 100% genuinely happy. Where I didn't feel judged, or criticized. I want to see every moment that I spent feeling blessed to be alive. Every moment I spent, actually living.

The rest can just be forgotten.

---

I feel like I've accomplished so much in my life. But in comparison I've actually accomplished so little. I'm supposed to be an adult, and be able to make adult decisions.

but I've had no experience doing that.

---

"No, you're not, you're just...indecisive..."

"Then what was the past few days?"

"That was me trying to figure out how to tell you that this, you and I, as anything. Isn't what I want or need in my life right now."

"So when?"

"Never."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Find yourself your Bubby, because I'm not her."

Wanderlust.

[Chorus]Do you still walk the streets at night?
With the wandlust you fight
Back to the corner where we went our seperate ways
Well I'd love to photograph your hand
Then shake it for a while
Cause you learn so much about someone
A brother or a swine
The veins that plough beneath your path
With so many tales to tell
A picture out of focus
In a frame where no one cares
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]
Well we walked upon the railroad
Cause the train no longer ran
Where we caught a glimpse of all we missed
From the stars that filled our eyes
With a dollar in your only coat
And a fireball in your hand
You set your sails for better days
Down in South Australia
Dark though it has been
Your old spirit still shines within
These last thirteen years depraved
Of us anything that's worth sayin'
[Chorus]
So raise a cheer to those forgotten years
Back to the corner where wew went ourseperate ways
Now the carnival is goin' home
The ferris wheel is spent
For those rovin' years of endless jeers
Have dried all that was left
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]

"It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how is that to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. `Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come upon them this size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high."

Enough?

"Completion"

That's what I'm thinking God is attempting to speak into my life right now. I've got alot of things to do today.

actually I only have about 3, But I'm really nervous for 2 of them.

plus I'm going to do a 4th. Because it honestly needs to get done.

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!"

inappropriate.

Parksides applications are long.

I'm almost done with somethings.

2 somethings actually.

I have 3 demos today and a doctors appointment after that.

and then a bonfire.

and somewhere in the middle of that I get to be lucky enough to hopefully talk to the Bubbers.

I had a dream that my stiches were coming out.

it was pretty gross...

and I am GOING to sell stuff today.

and set up a million demos.

so I can sell even more stuff =]

iloveyou

Join the bandwagon.

Sooo......



My new job. My first demo. and I cut my leg open with a computer and have to get 9 stiches.



3" deep.

5" wide.



I've gone 18 years without breaking anything or needing stiches.



and then 2 weeks into not having insurance I have to get 9 stiches.



what the heck.



Tony is gone again.



I got to see him for all of 5 minutes. But that's okay, I've got things I've gotta do anyways.



"When a black ant meets a red ant in crossing, do you think that they acknowledge each others existence. Or do you think they find each other better than the latter?

Or do they have like a mutual respect for each other?"

It's so confusing.

And in the end the lovers die.

Because that's how elephants roll.

Maybe he killed the kid, because that kid was the only actual proof that he really was as weird as everyone claimed he was.

and all he really wanted was to be normal. So to make himself normal, he had to eliminate all the people who were previously viewed as normal. And all the people who viewed them that way.

Welcome to the transition period.

This is going to hurt.

"There were no meaningful quotes, no real profound words of wisdom. Just what you saw, and what you grabbed from it, let's just hope that that will be enough to teach us a thing or two."

Do they pay you extra to say that, or do you just do it for fun?

"It's all in the job."

Because of my awesome legs, the three movies I rented tonight only cost me $1.06 My training was...awkward to say the least. I love Brittany, and Ashley is great. but the guy who sat next to me is weird.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Meg."

"I think that if we're going to be working together as much as I believe we're going to be, then you should know that my name isn't Meg, it's Megin."

I'm going to be really successful at this job, I can tell already. and hopefully, if I'm lucky I'll be able to earn enough money to put me through Nicolet debt free. and any extra money I have is going to go into a good investment =)

I want to plant a tree. but not a tree that''s going to attract deer. I actually want to repel deer. as far away from any hunting stand as possible.

I just fell in love with the name "Elias" Eli for short. He's a photographer. and a writer. and a dreamer. one day I'm going to have a son like that. He's going to wear courdoroy trousers, and old band tee-shirts. Like the beatles, and the who. and he's going to love his high tops. and his carrier is always going to have a good journal in it, his camera, and his mp3 player. and he's going to be smart, amazingly amazingly smart. with awesome blue eyes. =) and when people ask I'm going to say "Yeah, that's my kidd, I don't know how I got to be so lucky."

"The road is a dangerous place my boy, if you don't keep your feet, there's no saying where you'll be swept off to."

To be or Not to be.

To be respected.
to be loved.
to be kept safe.
to be promised to
and to have that promise kept.
to be held up in importance.
and to be understood.

"For this relief much thanks: 'tis bitter cold,And I am sick at heart."

Me Manquez

I miss the days that I believed that every animal was "okay" on the inside.
and that everyone was good "deep down"
and even though the polar bear was made to eat humans,
and that old man hadn't been nice to anyone for as long as anyone could remember.
I was going to change all of that.
I was going to be the first woman to talk to that man and have him be nice.
and my friendly pet polar bear would be at my side.
I guess I needed to just realize that once someone has a destiny to be something.
There's no changing it.
I am who I am.
Why would I ever fight that, right?

"She's like a black cat, with a black backpack full of firework and she's going to burn the city down right now"

The Importance of Being Megin.

Do you get it?
No?
That's okay... I only know one person right now who would.

I'm trying to figure out how to be perfect.
Not like pleasantville or stepford wife perfect,
just being the person that I want to be.
And although this may seem conceited,
I think that I am actually becoming that person quickly.
I think I'm a good sister.
A good friend.
A good girlfriend.
And although I know that I'm not perfect, I'm not that bad.
But I can't help feeling as if I'm not a good daughter.
It's not that I don't want to be.
And it's not as if I'm not trying.
It's just that no matter what I do I don't feel as if I'm doing what he wants me to do.
And I swear I'm actully trying
So I've come to the conclusion, that to be a good everything else.
I'm not always going to be a good daughter.
Because my dad wants me to do what he thinks is right.
but sometimes I have to do what I think is right.
and know what I want to do for me.
I have to remember that to be a good everything else I have to be a good me.


"How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals. Won’t you come in?"

It's raining. Hallelujah.

I love the calm, peaceful rain.

it's beautiful.

I got the job.

which is awesome.

I start training on thursday.

end on saturday.

and then start sellin!

I end my training at 3 on saturday. Which is going to cause a little bit of conflict. Seeing as Tony is getting into town at like 1 and leaving soon afterwards...

this is life.

"The wind has started to blow, and there goes the leaves from the tree who was only able to hold them for a short time."

keep me bare.

Always huh?

I'm watching America's next top dance crew.

it's amazing.

I have to help finish the garage with my dad.

The ex. continuously yells.

and the boy wants to get me pickles.

"I close my eyes and kiss my hand, then I blow it. But it was never ment for you, and you notice."

Easier and Easier.

I said goodbye to Tony again.

He left for vacation with Adams family for one entire week.

and then he'll be back for about a half an hour next saturday and then he's gone again for...I'm not sure how long.

Wes is having relationship struggles so I'm going to hang out with him tonight and take advantage of the fact that he won't argue about what movie I'm making him watch.

&&

I'm disgustingly tired.

"showering afterwards is never fun for me it's like I'm losing the little part of you that I had from that hug."

makes me sad.

Once a month. anymore and we'll be addicted.

"come day go day, wish in my heart it was sunday, drinkin' buttermilk all the week.

and whiskey on sunday."

Fall For You.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am tryingI know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find.

It is you I have loved all along.

About 24 hours from now my boyfriend will be in town.

and in less than 48 I will have to say goodbye to him again, so he can go on a much needed and much earned vacation.

I'm hanging out with Wendy tonight.

I have almost all the free time in the world, however, everyone and their mother have time to hang out with me all on the same day.

everyone's throwing a party
everyone needs a sitter.
everyone needs support.

all I really want is a day to read.
and write.

and walk.

and cuddle.

oh, and I want one of those one in a million smiles.

actually when it comes to him it's a one in six point two billion smiles.

because he's got the best one ever.

I'm still walkin.

I'm in an awesome relationship. Long distance or no. It's amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

[[other than the fact that we don't have a teleporter]]

I got work out shorts yesterday.

and some other shorts.

and a new shirt that's totally hott.

I love to write.

I know I've said that before, but I wrote yesterday and I remembered just how much I use to love it, and realized how much I missed it.

Life is beautiful.

and I'm not such a girl anymore.

[[not in the physical sense ya sickos.]]

lol

♥

-end-

what're you thinking.

"Blank"

woah.

so the things I've learned in the past week are as follows.

Boys are uninspirational.

When running late, if you're willing to risk your life my brother would be the best choice for a ride.

I love to write, more than I thought.

I am going to have no time to read all the books I have this summer.

and I'm too much of a girl.

and too into internet.

::sigh::

let's stop and ponder

"No I don't need a cigarette, I'm trying to quit. It'll make me cuter."

Write me a love song that makes me cry.

and then punch a guy in the eye because he copped a feel as I walked by.

I need...

a moment.
a hug.
a good cry.
a wonderful cd.
some ice cream.
a teleporter.
a wonderful movie.
my journal.
a good book.
and a rainy day.
and I'm pretty sure my life would be complete.

as this folds out I'm afraid that I'll be left in the dust.

I'm excited there's going to be dust. so don't get me wrong.

but I'm sad I'm going to be in it.

I'm going with Wesley to get his tattoo.

and I'll probably get mine then as well.

::I Corinthians 13::
on my right wrist.

I want to change my life.

I want to be a better person.

I want...

I want to write a book.

and I want a hug.

Inspiration.

"I hate being around you becuase you don't inspire me, you don't make me want to sing, or dance, or write. I become this lifeless shell when you're around, and I hate it."

I have now officially graduated high school.

I have also turned 18.

Moved my dads shop.

Lost a stalker.

Said goodbye to my boyfriend, twice.

Gotten a new scooter.

Lost friends.

Gotten new books.

and almost found old friends.

all in the past 8 days.

I'm going to apply to Nicolet today.

which means if I get accepted that I'm leaving after this summer.

and possibly losing one of my best friends.

but gaining so much more.

I'm sick of all of this change, of being an adult, and of feeling as if I didn't have enough time to be a kidd.

"Pass me that cigarette, because he's gone and I don't think he's coming back."

-take a drag-