"Do you dream of your Alexander?"
"A day doesn't pass that allows me not to, nor has it since we've met."
"Do you laugh with your Alexander?"
"As many laughs in just one day that for most fill a lifetime."
"Do you feel comforted by your Alexander?"
"Sadness is but a dream when he is near."
"Do you feel safe with your Alexander?"
"I know that he wouldn't allow a thousand ferocious bears to pull me from him."
"Do you love your Alexander."
"My Dear, I do declare that you wouldn't recognize love if it hit dead on!"
"I would recognize that it wasn't love if it hit me."
The thing that makes me crazy about you, is the one thing that makes it impossible to see you.
You take your goals an you make them your obsessions.
...
I don't know what to say.
"You've lost yourself somewhere in everyone else."
"I'm not living for myself anymore, I stopped when I realized it didn't get me anywhere. Now I'm living to be exactly who whoever is right in front of me at the time, needs me to be."
"Who's to say that I don't need you to just be you?"
"Then I will become the 'me' you assume I should be, and in the end you will be satisfied."
End.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Bells of the wedding persuasion.
I moved out.
I found the place I'll be living.
&& owning.
Sleep is a serious need of mine.
Found an almost positive job.
I'm going to be getting a job soon.
and I'm hunnnngry.
super duper hungry.
oh && I love you.
+4
I found the place I'll be living.
&& owning.
Sleep is a serious need of mine.
Found an almost positive job.
I'm going to be getting a job soon.
and I'm hunnnngry.
super duper hungry.
oh && I love you.
+4
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Look Back.
I could tell from the moans and sighs that I was doing it right. Even if it seemed he like he was trying to over-convince me that he liked it.
You see, I can't remember all the times I've gien head. Although, if I could I know it wouldn't be much more than a handful. One of the pervious times was actually the guy who was now moaning and sighing.
I was keeping my eyes closed, and thinking everything I did through carefully. I wanted this time to be good, I wanted him to remember it. You see, I wasn't sure I was going to see him again after that night. So I decided to give him a goodbye present I hoped he wouldn't soon forget.
I gently wrapped my tongue around him and pushed him as deep into my mouth as I could. Hearing his gasp of pleasure I began to pull up slowly, suckins softer and then harder as I neared the top. I heard his heavy breathing, and began to bob my head faster and faster until he tapped my shoulder to indicate that he was close to coming.
I sat up and leaned my head back against the seat and watched as he bit his lip and looked around. It never really mattered what we were doing, or where we were, he was always alert. That's one of the reasons I always felt safe with him. Well that and the badge, but honestly, who doesn't feel safe when they're with a cop?
About a minute after I'd sat up I noticed he had calmed down a bit and I began to kiss him lightly while caressing him with my hand. When I felt that he was hard enough I went down on him again. And his moans and sighs were once again reassurance that I was doing it right.
But this time his hans began to wander, he ran his fingers down my back and squeezed my ass tightly. I squeezed his thigh in reply. Not because I actually got any pleasure from his attempt, but just for the fact that I appreciated the try. He then slid his hand up my side, almost cupping half of my torso, and he squeezed.
I immediately tensed up, afraid he would hurt the baby, our baby, but my thoguhts seemed to laugh at my worry because all I could think was: "You're getting rid of it anyway, who cares if it's hurt or not?"
So I relaxed.
After I'd finished I sat up and leaned back. I looked over and saw him almost tremble with pleasure and I smiled softly. After about twenty seconds he looked at me and sighed. "You didn't have to do that." His voice came out weak. I smiled and shook my head.
"I wouldn't've done it if I felt I had to." He tilted his head to the side as if he wasn't sure of my sincerity, and then he shrugged. Afterwards we sat in silence for a few minutes and then he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes and asked: "So now what happens?" I thought quietly for a second and then responded slowly.
"Well, you're going to drop me off, and right before I get out of the car I'm going to look at you, smile, and say: 'I had fun, I'll talk to you later?' and then you'll say: 'Yeah, I'll call you later or something.' Then you'll lean over, give me a hug and a soft kiss, and then I'll get out of the car and walk away without looking back, because if I look back then I'll be admitting that I care if you're still there or not, and that I hope you're looking, and I can't afford to show those feelings." I laughed lightly at my sudden exposure of emotions as he looked at me somberly. "And then you'll call me in about two weeks, like you always do... or you won't." I felt my eyes fill with tears and my voice then began to crack. "I actually never really expect you to call...so when you do it's like a happy surprise..." He looked at me sadly and we both knew that this time there'd be no call.
We sat silently for a moment as I fought back my tears, and then he began to drive me home.
I don't remember a lot from that car ride, I just remember blowing on the red lights so they'd turn green like I did when I was little. I almost think I should've been blowing on the green ones.
As we pulled into market square, which was about a block from my house, he stopped and looked at me. "So, what is it that you need to say?" I sighed again for what felt like the millionth time that night.
"I love you." I began shakily, hoping it wouldn't send him into a panic attack. "Not in a 'I want to marry you' kinda way, or even in a dating way. I just-" and then his attention was suddenly stolen by an ambulance, who had its siren on, going by. I waited about ten seconds until I had his attention again, and then continued. "I love you for the person that you are. and you need to remember that I think you're amazing, and that you don't give yourself enough credit or wiggle room. You're perfect because you're you, the only time you aren't perfect is when you try to be something you're not." We sat in silence just looking at each other for a few seconds, and then I fixed a smile on my face in an attempt of normalcy.
"I had a great time, talk to you later?" And then my fears were confirmed, because he didn't say anything at all, he just leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't the best kiss I'd ever recieved, nor was it the worst, it was just the first time I was able to kiss someone goodbye.
When we pulled away from the kiss I attempted to smile as tears filled my eyes again and I whispered goodbye. He nodded while looking back and forth at my eyes as if willing my tears to go away. I smiled one last time and then got out of the truck and began to walk away.
As I walked I said a prayer for him, for the baby I had to abort the following week and lastly for me. And when I finished with the prayer I stopped abruptly, and I looked back. and he was sitting in the same spot, watching me walk away.
Which made me wonder what would've happened if I'd looked back previously, if I'd showed him I cared. I also wondered if he'd been waiting for me to look back all along.
You see, I can't remember all the times I've gien head. Although, if I could I know it wouldn't be much more than a handful. One of the pervious times was actually the guy who was now moaning and sighing.
I was keeping my eyes closed, and thinking everything I did through carefully. I wanted this time to be good, I wanted him to remember it. You see, I wasn't sure I was going to see him again after that night. So I decided to give him a goodbye present I hoped he wouldn't soon forget.
I gently wrapped my tongue around him and pushed him as deep into my mouth as I could. Hearing his gasp of pleasure I began to pull up slowly, suckins softer and then harder as I neared the top. I heard his heavy breathing, and began to bob my head faster and faster until he tapped my shoulder to indicate that he was close to coming.
I sat up and leaned my head back against the seat and watched as he bit his lip and looked around. It never really mattered what we were doing, or where we were, he was always alert. That's one of the reasons I always felt safe with him. Well that and the badge, but honestly, who doesn't feel safe when they're with a cop?
About a minute after I'd sat up I noticed he had calmed down a bit and I began to kiss him lightly while caressing him with my hand. When I felt that he was hard enough I went down on him again. And his moans and sighs were once again reassurance that I was doing it right.
But this time his hans began to wander, he ran his fingers down my back and squeezed my ass tightly. I squeezed his thigh in reply. Not because I actually got any pleasure from his attempt, but just for the fact that I appreciated the try. He then slid his hand up my side, almost cupping half of my torso, and he squeezed.
I immediately tensed up, afraid he would hurt the baby, our baby, but my thoguhts seemed to laugh at my worry because all I could think was: "You're getting rid of it anyway, who cares if it's hurt or not?"
So I relaxed.
After I'd finished I sat up and leaned back. I looked over and saw him almost tremble with pleasure and I smiled softly. After about twenty seconds he looked at me and sighed. "You didn't have to do that." His voice came out weak. I smiled and shook my head.
"I wouldn't've done it if I felt I had to." He tilted his head to the side as if he wasn't sure of my sincerity, and then he shrugged. Afterwards we sat in silence for a few minutes and then he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes and asked: "So now what happens?" I thought quietly for a second and then responded slowly.
"Well, you're going to drop me off, and right before I get out of the car I'm going to look at you, smile, and say: 'I had fun, I'll talk to you later?' and then you'll say: 'Yeah, I'll call you later or something.' Then you'll lean over, give me a hug and a soft kiss, and then I'll get out of the car and walk away without looking back, because if I look back then I'll be admitting that I care if you're still there or not, and that I hope you're looking, and I can't afford to show those feelings." I laughed lightly at my sudden exposure of emotions as he looked at me somberly. "And then you'll call me in about two weeks, like you always do... or you won't." I felt my eyes fill with tears and my voice then began to crack. "I actually never really expect you to call...so when you do it's like a happy surprise..." He looked at me sadly and we both knew that this time there'd be no call.
We sat silently for a moment as I fought back my tears, and then he began to drive me home.
I don't remember a lot from that car ride, I just remember blowing on the red lights so they'd turn green like I did when I was little. I almost think I should've been blowing on the green ones.
As we pulled into market square, which was about a block from my house, he stopped and looked at me. "So, what is it that you need to say?" I sighed again for what felt like the millionth time that night.
"I love you." I began shakily, hoping it wouldn't send him into a panic attack. "Not in a 'I want to marry you' kinda way, or even in a dating way. I just-" and then his attention was suddenly stolen by an ambulance, who had its siren on, going by. I waited about ten seconds until I had his attention again, and then continued. "I love you for the person that you are. and you need to remember that I think you're amazing, and that you don't give yourself enough credit or wiggle room. You're perfect because you're you, the only time you aren't perfect is when you try to be something you're not." We sat in silence just looking at each other for a few seconds, and then I fixed a smile on my face in an attempt of normalcy.
"I had a great time, talk to you later?" And then my fears were confirmed, because he didn't say anything at all, he just leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't the best kiss I'd ever recieved, nor was it the worst, it was just the first time I was able to kiss someone goodbye.
When we pulled away from the kiss I attempted to smile as tears filled my eyes again and I whispered goodbye. He nodded while looking back and forth at my eyes as if willing my tears to go away. I smiled one last time and then got out of the truck and began to walk away.
As I walked I said a prayer for him, for the baby I had to abort the following week and lastly for me. And when I finished with the prayer I stopped abruptly, and I looked back. and he was sitting in the same spot, watching me walk away.
Which made me wonder what would've happened if I'd looked back previously, if I'd showed him I cared. I also wondered if he'd been waiting for me to look back all along.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I figured out how you knew my middle name.
I'm just suprised you actually cared enough to google me.
Maia is gone.
I didn't think saying goodbye to her would be this painful.
I opened up. I said what I was thinking, and I explained why.
And instead of totally freaking out.
He retaliated with an experience of his own.
Not a bad guy.
Maia is gone.
I didn't think saying goodbye to her would be this painful.
I opened up. I said what I was thinking, and I explained why.
And instead of totally freaking out.
He retaliated with an experience of his own.
Not a bad guy.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
War.
It's like I'm in a war, and I've been taken hostage by the opposer. And although I feel somewhat safe, because I know that the opposer is strong, and won't let anything bad happen to me. I also know that the only reason they have me, is to piss off all the other guys.
So weirdly enough, I'm insecurely, secure.
It would ruin everything to become more. Because now I expect the "personality" lines. Whatever, right? It doesn't matter what friends think of me. Or hell even what they think of me. There's no obligation, no ties, they could leave at any second and not look back without giving an explination. And I would just have to smile and take it.
I could do the same thing I suppose. But we all know that's not going to happen.
There's an openess when you don't have ties. Advice on different people and different situations that you wouldn't even be privy to.
Mom says:
"Once they get what they want, you'll never see them again, and if they think they can get it more than once, then they'll do that until they're just...'done' I've been where you are before."
So weirdly enough, I'm insecurely, secure.
It would ruin everything to become more. Because now I expect the "personality" lines. Whatever, right? It doesn't matter what friends think of me. Or hell even what they think of me. There's no obligation, no ties, they could leave at any second and not look back without giving an explination. And I would just have to smile and take it.
I could do the same thing I suppose. But we all know that's not going to happen.
There's an openess when you don't have ties. Advice on different people and different situations that you wouldn't even be privy to.
Mom says:
"Once they get what they want, you'll never see them again, and if they think they can get it more than once, then they'll do that until they're just...'done' I've been where you are before."
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
High Maintenance.
Turns out you can only be moody when the person is uglier than you are.
haha.
oh well.
I cannot figure it out. How did I let someone turn me inside out so quickly?
Why does this suck so badly? Why can't I just accept it and be like "Oh well, next"
models. they get you everytime.
Hey baby girl.
Just calling to say I miss you.
Don't ask me to explain, it hurts too badly.
haha.
oh well.
I cannot figure it out. How did I let someone turn me inside out so quickly?
Why does this suck so badly? Why can't I just accept it and be like "Oh well, next"
models. they get you everytime.
Hey baby girl.
Just calling to say I miss you.
Don't ask me to explain, it hurts too badly.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
What hurts the most.
I fell asleep...
hope you don't mind.
hehe.
I'm going to do it this week.
I definitely hope you do mind.
I got married this weekend.
and had two kids.
it was a blast.
I saw The Dark Knight.
I don't think an action movie has ever made me cry so hard.
I'm glad my buddy didn't notice. haha.
I'm seeing it again this week.
and then I'm also hanging with Travis...
eventually.
he's a dummy. and he never calls.
I've gotten little to no sleep lately.
and the idea of you being ::in::
is probably the most appealing thought I've had in...
...
well let's just say it's been awhile.
gotta guy kicked outta faire.
and figured out that he's a weirdo.
haha.
oh and jugglers are my favorite.
is being so close, and having so much to say,
then watching you walk away.
hope you don't mind.
hehe.
I'm going to do it this week.
I definitely hope you do mind.
I got married this weekend.
and had two kids.
it was a blast.
I saw The Dark Knight.
I don't think an action movie has ever made me cry so hard.
I'm glad my buddy didn't notice. haha.
I'm seeing it again this week.
and then I'm also hanging with Travis...
eventually.
he's a dummy. and he never calls.
I've gotten little to no sleep lately.
and the idea of you being ::in::
is probably the most appealing thought I've had in...
...
well let's just say it's been awhile.
gotta guy kicked outta faire.
and figured out that he's a weirdo.
haha.
oh and jugglers are my favorite.
is being so close, and having so much to say,
then watching you walk away.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Everytime we touch...
So much can change in such a little time.
It honestly started out as nothing.
it became this because of you...
although I can't give you all the credit.
went to see batman with Tom.
It was by far one of the best movies I've ever seen.
I also went to the beach.-about a bazillion times.
and swimming.-in two different places.
and to wendys.-twice this week
and in all that time there wasn't any stress.
no questions of
"if this..."
or
"What if..."
or
"can we actally..."
It was just me.
being happy.
laughing.
So much can change in such a little bit of time.
I hate the way you reacted.
"Find what makes you happy in this world, and then don't smother it, because if it makes you happy, and you try to change it. Chances are it won't make you happy anymore.
It honestly started out as nothing.
it became this because of you...
although I can't give you all the credit.
went to see batman with Tom.
It was by far one of the best movies I've ever seen.
I also went to the beach.-about a bazillion times.
and swimming.-in two different places.
and to wendys.-twice this week
and in all that time there wasn't any stress.
no questions of
"if this..."
or
"What if..."
or
"can we actally..."
It was just me.
being happy.
laughing.
So much can change in such a little bit of time.
I hate the way you reacted.
"Find what makes you happy in this world, and then don't smother it, because if it makes you happy, and you try to change it. Chances are it won't make you happy anymore.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Oh wait, I'm sorry. What's that jerk?
Ohhhh you found out I wanted to dye my hair dark.
and since original ideas are beyond you, you decided to do the same?
well congrats.
You look like a gothic, anorexic psychopath.
You strum that guitar to your hawthorne heights songs.
really. It makes you look great.
Faire in 2 days.
Oh sweet faire.
Gotta go get my id today too..
hmmm...
and since original ideas are beyond you, you decided to do the same?
well congrats.
You look like a gothic, anorexic psychopath.
You strum that guitar to your hawthorne heights songs.
really. It makes you look great.
Faire in 2 days.
Oh sweet faire.
Gotta go get my id today too..
hmmm...
Monday, July 7, 2008
"Hey boss."
"I can tell we're going to get along."
Faire was...amazing.
painful.
but amazing.
The week with Tony here was...
Fun.
Stressful.
Aggravating.
Sad.
Hilarious.
Eye-opening.
Marketprobe is...
going to be a chore.
stalkers?
already?
Tassi I haven't even had breakfast!
"A petefile huh?
boss what'd you think?"
"I think that out of all the wench's here, you're not only the most becoming.
but also the most entertaining."
"And I think that out of all the pirates here, you're not only the most attractive.
You're also the one most full of crap."
Faire was...amazing.
painful.
but amazing.
The week with Tony here was...
Fun.
Stressful.
Aggravating.
Sad.
Hilarious.
Eye-opening.
Marketprobe is...
going to be a chore.
stalkers?
already?
Tassi I haven't even had breakfast!
"A petefile huh?
boss what'd you think?"
"I think that out of all the wench's here, you're not only the most becoming.
but also the most entertaining."
"And I think that out of all the pirates here, you're not only the most attractive.
You're also the one most full of crap."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
"How engaging"
You think as he explains to you about your replacement.
"What a wonderful story this will make."
You mumble to yourself uncoheriently.
as he tells you of all your faults.
"When asked next how things are going between us what am I supposed to say?"
You ask, while fixing a look of emotionlessness on your face.
"Just tell them it was because of the way you showed no emotion."
The cruel man sneers.
One tear falls from your eye.
"There was really never any emotions worth showing."
you answer coldly.
"What a wonderful story this will make."
You mumble to yourself uncoheriently.
as he tells you of all your faults.
"When asked next how things are going between us what am I supposed to say?"
You ask, while fixing a look of emotionlessness on your face.
"Just tell them it was because of the way you showed no emotion."
The cruel man sneers.
One tear falls from your eye.
"There was really never any emotions worth showing."
you answer coldly.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Kenosha Girl.
"You're the only thing that I was ever truly good at."
Jersey Girl is a movie that I think everyone should see.
it's amazing.
I've got a rash all over my arms and legs.
it kinda itches.
but I think it's kinda going away too.
No I take that back.
I can tell that it's definitely getting better.
God rocks.
and totally answers prayers =]
He might come home tommorow..
and if not, then he'll definitely be here monday.
I don't think I've ever been so anxious to see someone.
"let's party"
"if by 'party' you mean 'journal' then sure, I'm in."
Jersey Girl is a movie that I think everyone should see.
it's amazing.
I've got a rash all over my arms and legs.
it kinda itches.
but I think it's kinda going away too.
No I take that back.
I can tell that it's definitely getting better.
God rocks.
and totally answers prayers =]
He might come home tommorow..
and if not, then he'll definitely be here monday.
I don't think I've ever been so anxious to see someone.
"let's party"
"if by 'party' you mean 'journal' then sure, I'm in."
If the moon fell down tonight.
Everytime i see your smile it makes my hear beat fast. and though it's much too soon to tell, i'm hoping this will last. cuz i just always wanna have you right here by my side. the future's near, but never certain. at least stay here for just tonight. i must've dont something right to deserve you in my life. i must've done something right along the way. i just can't get you off my mind, and why would i even try? even when i close my eyes, i dream about you all the time. i just always wanna have you right here by my side. the future's near, but never certain, so please stay here for just tonight. even if the moon fell down tonight, there'd be nothing to worry about at all because you make the whole world shine. as long as you're here everything will be alright
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Falling into place.
Like the pieces in a puzzle.
which is awesome.
I haven't really been keeping up with my reading. But I'm going to catch up today, becuase I really want to grab something out of this study Shannon and I are having together. That and I don't have anything else to help me with my spiritual growth right now.
I got a job at faire so I'm going to be working every Sunday.
and my job at market probe is 2nd shift.
which means from 2p.m-10p.m monday-friday I'll be busy.
And saturday and sunday I have to be at faire at 9 and I won't get out of there until around 8 or 8:30.
So I need this Bible study.
"Ya know, by looking at your scheduel I'm starting to think you're going to work yourself to death."
"If I don't work myself to death. I won't have a life to live."
which is awesome.
I haven't really been keeping up with my reading. But I'm going to catch up today, becuase I really want to grab something out of this study Shannon and I are having together. That and I don't have anything else to help me with my spiritual growth right now.
I got a job at faire so I'm going to be working every Sunday.
and my job at market probe is 2nd shift.
which means from 2p.m-10p.m monday-friday I'll be busy.
And saturday and sunday I have to be at faire at 9 and I won't get out of there until around 8 or 8:30.
So I need this Bible study.
"Ya know, by looking at your scheduel I'm starting to think you're going to work yourself to death."
"If I don't work myself to death. I won't have a life to live."
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A grave without a marker.
Dear God,
I think I've begun to figure it out.
Thanks for the guidance.
it's honestly helping.
It's like trying to figure out how much someone really means to you.
and you just can't, you can't find words to describe it.
and then they're dead.
and then what do you do?
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
but you know...
so I guess that helps right?
who I am hates who I've been.
but fears who I will become.
so what do I do?
"Let's find that spot by the tree."
"That'll take days."
"I've only got one life, I might as well spend it living."
I think I've begun to figure it out.
Thanks for the guidance.
it's honestly helping.
It's like trying to figure out how much someone really means to you.
and you just can't, you can't find words to describe it.
and then they're dead.
and then what do you do?
nothing.
absolutely nothing.
but you know...
so I guess that helps right?
who I am hates who I've been.
but fears who I will become.
so what do I do?
"Let's find that spot by the tree."
"That'll take days."
"I've only got one life, I might as well spend it living."
Monday, June 23, 2008
I will remember you.
Shannon is.
amazing, for lack of a better word.
She's just so awesome. I could tell that she was like about to pass out last night, but we started talking about like pastor leigh.
and then my week.
and then guatemala.
and it was soooooo good.
"mmmmm......you'll probably be able to see it one day."
"yeah, maybe."
"No, not maybe, definitely definitely. Even if it's just to come and visit me."
"I want to figure out how to love people like you love me, because through you I've seen a fraction of what God's love for me is, and honestly I think that's why I'm where I am with him right now. That's all people really want, they just want to be loved. I don't want to feel like I need to judge people, and I don't want people to feel judged by me. Everyone just wants 2 things from other people. Acceptance, or I guess in a way 'forgiveness' and love. and if we can't accept them and love them then how are we supposed to convince them that our God can do that?"
I think people in Africa need to come here and show us how to be Christians. Because before they were Christians they put total faith in Satan and Demons for everything. So they were able to do powerful things with that. and then someone explained to them that there was someone who was so much more powerful who loved them and wanted only the best for them. and since they could grasp the fact that satan and his demons were already powerful and since God was so much more powerful. They have like ten billion times more faith than any Americans do. and God preforms so much more through them. We feel as if we don't need God all the time because we live in an awesome country where food isn't scarce. and people aren't eating each other. But in other countrys they have to rely on God for their bare essentials, they have to have faith that God is going to provide thier meal tommorow and the day after that. I think that if Americans had to more dependent on God for everything then there would be alot more faith.
"You're not the devil. You're practice"
"I didn't come here to thank you. I came here to show you that not everyone in Gotham's afraid of you."
amazing, for lack of a better word.
She's just so awesome. I could tell that she was like about to pass out last night, but we started talking about like pastor leigh.
and then my week.
and then guatemala.
and it was soooooo good.
"mmmmm......you'll probably be able to see it one day."
"yeah, maybe."
"No, not maybe, definitely definitely. Even if it's just to come and visit me."
"I want to figure out how to love people like you love me, because through you I've seen a fraction of what God's love for me is, and honestly I think that's why I'm where I am with him right now. That's all people really want, they just want to be loved. I don't want to feel like I need to judge people, and I don't want people to feel judged by me. Everyone just wants 2 things from other people. Acceptance, or I guess in a way 'forgiveness' and love. and if we can't accept them and love them then how are we supposed to convince them that our God can do that?"
I think people in Africa need to come here and show us how to be Christians. Because before they were Christians they put total faith in Satan and Demons for everything. So they were able to do powerful things with that. and then someone explained to them that there was someone who was so much more powerful who loved them and wanted only the best for them. and since they could grasp the fact that satan and his demons were already powerful and since God was so much more powerful. They have like ten billion times more faith than any Americans do. and God preforms so much more through them. We feel as if we don't need God all the time because we live in an awesome country where food isn't scarce. and people aren't eating each other. But in other countrys they have to rely on God for their bare essentials, they have to have faith that God is going to provide thier meal tommorow and the day after that. I think that if Americans had to more dependent on God for everything then there would be alot more faith.
"You're not the devil. You're practice"
"I didn't come here to thank you. I came here to show you that not everyone in Gotham's afraid of you."
Fears make you weak with a t.
Never again.
sorry.
"Hey there girlie"
"...someone from this number just called me?"
"Uhm...yeah, it's me."
"Just like it was yesterday huh?"
"What?"
"That's how I'm supposed to act, right? like we just spoke yesterday?"
"well no...I was just talkin to katelyn and she mentioned she had your new number, and seeing as you're 18 now, and since I'm in town I just thought maybe you'd wanna see me."
"..."
"Girlie?"
"I don't think so no. I'm busy, I'm hanging out with family and friends."
"Well this number is my new one so just gimme a call, I'll be in town until around 7 wednesday night."
"I really don't think that's going to happen."
"You never do."
"What hurts the most, is bein' so close, and having so much to say, then watching you walk away."
You know what doesn't go well together?
french fries.
and
hot sauce.
sorry.
"Hey there girlie"
"...someone from this number just called me?"
"Uhm...yeah, it's me."
"Just like it was yesterday huh?"
"What?"
"That's how I'm supposed to act, right? like we just spoke yesterday?"
"well no...I was just talkin to katelyn and she mentioned she had your new number, and seeing as you're 18 now, and since I'm in town I just thought maybe you'd wanna see me."
"..."
"Girlie?"
"I don't think so no. I'm busy, I'm hanging out with family and friends."
"Well this number is my new one so just gimme a call, I'll be in town until around 7 wednesday night."
"I really don't think that's going to happen."
"You never do."
"What hurts the most, is bein' so close, and having so much to say, then watching you walk away."
You know what doesn't go well together?
french fries.
and
hot sauce.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
What makes a man.
we like people for their qualities
but we love them for their defects
"What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them."
far far away.
and I'm not going to go.
it's like i'm waiting and waiting.
and then when i finally get it.
I'm just afraid that that's when I'm going to lose it for good.
so I'm just consistently nervous.
and then it goes away again.
and the cycle continues.
To be secure.
To have inspiration.
To have motivation.
To become the woman I believe whole heartedly that I need to be.
-end-
but we love them for their defects
"What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them."
far far away.
and I'm not going to go.
it's like i'm waiting and waiting.
and then when i finally get it.
I'm just afraid that that's when I'm going to lose it for good.
so I'm just consistently nervous.
and then it goes away again.
and the cycle continues.
To be secure.
To have inspiration.
To have motivation.
To become the woman I believe whole heartedly that I need to be.
-end-
Friday, June 20, 2008
Convienient.
Which is great.
I don't know how much I'd like that traveling so much.
ya know?
It would definitely be an adjustment.
but I guess I'm adapting to it now huh?
story writing.
Figuring out that everything isn't always for emotions.
most of the time people just do what is more comfortable.
I thought you did.
No. I know you did.
but now it's just...
I don't know how much I'd like that traveling so much.
ya know?
It would definitely be an adjustment.
but I guess I'm adapting to it now huh?
story writing.
Figuring out that everything isn't always for emotions.
most of the time people just do what is more comfortable.
I thought you did.
No. I know you did.
but now it's just...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
sutures.
"I would but I can't"
"Oh really? why not?"
"I'm thinking that I would much rather not risk you putting something in my drink"
"huh?"
"nothing"
I'm having problems with a few people today.
Nothing really serious.
but something that definitely needs to be taken care of soon.
If I had the choice to choose if my life could flash before my eyes right before I died or not, I would say no.
I don't want to see my whole life.
I just want to see the important parts, the parts where I was 100% genuinely happy. Where I didn't feel judged, or criticized. I want to see every moment that I spent feeling blessed to be alive. Every moment I spent, actually living.
The rest can just be forgotten.
I feel like I've accomplished so much in my life. But in comparison I've actually accomplished so little. I'm supposed to be an adult, and be able to make adult decisions.
but I've had no experience doing that.
"No, you're not, you're just...indecisive..."
"Then what was the past few days?"
"That was me trying to figure out how to tell you that this, you and I, as anything. Isn't what I want or need in my life right now."
"So when?"
"Never."
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"Find yourself your Bubby, because I'm not her."
"Oh really? why not?"
"I'm thinking that I would much rather not risk you putting something in my drink"
"huh?"
"nothing"
I'm having problems with a few people today.
Nothing really serious.
but something that definitely needs to be taken care of soon.
If I had the choice to choose if my life could flash before my eyes right before I died or not, I would say no.
I don't want to see my whole life.
I just want to see the important parts, the parts where I was 100% genuinely happy. Where I didn't feel judged, or criticized. I want to see every moment that I spent feeling blessed to be alive. Every moment I spent, actually living.
The rest can just be forgotten.
I feel like I've accomplished so much in my life. But in comparison I've actually accomplished so little. I'm supposed to be an adult, and be able to make adult decisions.
but I've had no experience doing that.
"No, you're not, you're just...indecisive..."
"Then what was the past few days?"
"That was me trying to figure out how to tell you that this, you and I, as anything. Isn't what I want or need in my life right now."
"So when?"
"Never."
"So what am I supposed to do?"
"Find yourself your Bubby, because I'm not her."
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Wanderlust.
[Chorus]Do you still walk the streets at night?
With the wandlust you fight
Back to the corner where we went our seperate ways
Well I'd love to photograph your hand
Then shake it for a while
Cause you learn so much about someone
A brother or a swine
The veins that plough beneath your path
With so many tales to tell
A picture out of focus
In a frame where no one cares
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]
Well we walked upon the railroad
Cause the train no longer ran
Where we caught a glimpse of all we missed
From the stars that filled our eyes
With a dollar in your only coat
And a fireball in your hand
You set your sails for better days
Down in South Australia
Dark though it has been
Your old spirit still shines within
These last thirteen years depraved
Of us anything that's worth sayin'
[Chorus]
So raise a cheer to those forgotten years
Back to the corner where wew went ourseperate ways
Now the carnival is goin' home
The ferris wheel is spent
For those rovin' years of endless jeers
Have dried all that was left
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]
"It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how is that to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. `Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come upon them this size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high."
With the wandlust you fight
Back to the corner where we went our seperate ways
Well I'd love to photograph your hand
Then shake it for a while
Cause you learn so much about someone
A brother or a swine
The veins that plough beneath your path
With so many tales to tell
A picture out of focus
In a frame where no one cares
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]
Well we walked upon the railroad
Cause the train no longer ran
Where we caught a glimpse of all we missed
From the stars that filled our eyes
With a dollar in your only coat
And a fireball in your hand
You set your sails for better days
Down in South Australia
Dark though it has been
Your old spirit still shines within
These last thirteen years depraved
Of us anything that's worth sayin'
[Chorus]
So raise a cheer to those forgotten years
Back to the corner where wew went ourseperate ways
Now the carnival is goin' home
The ferris wheel is spent
For those rovin' years of endless jeers
Have dried all that was left
Calm the ocean breeze
Quiet the raging sea
This stormy ship we sail
Is a bottle filled with rage
[Chorus]
"It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how is that to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about four feet high. `Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come upon them this size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high."
Enough?
"Completion"
That's what I'm thinking God is attempting to speak into my life right now. I've got alot of things to do today.
actually I only have about 3, But I'm really nervous for 2 of them.
plus I'm going to do a 4th. Because it honestly needs to get done.
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!"
That's what I'm thinking God is attempting to speak into my life right now. I've got alot of things to do today.
actually I only have about 3, But I'm really nervous for 2 of them.
plus I'm going to do a 4th. Because it honestly needs to get done.
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!"
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
inappropriate.
Parksides applications are long.
I'm almost done with somethings.
2 somethings actually.
I have 3 demos today and a doctors appointment after that.
and then a bonfire.
and somewhere in the middle of that I get to be lucky enough to hopefully talk to the Bubbers.
I had a dream that my stiches were coming out.
it was pretty gross...
and I am GOING to sell stuff today.
and set up a million demos.
so I can sell even more stuff =]
iloveyou
I'm almost done with somethings.
2 somethings actually.
I have 3 demos today and a doctors appointment after that.
and then a bonfire.
and somewhere in the middle of that I get to be lucky enough to hopefully talk to the Bubbers.
I had a dream that my stiches were coming out.
it was pretty gross...
and I am GOING to sell stuff today.
and set up a million demos.
so I can sell even more stuff =]
iloveyou
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Join the bandwagon.
Sooo......
My new job. My first demo. and I cut my leg open with a computer and have to get 9 stiches.
3" deep.
5" wide.
I've gone 18 years without breaking anything or needing stiches.
and then 2 weeks into not having insurance I have to get 9 stiches.
what the heck.
Tony is gone again.
I got to see him for all of 5 minutes. But that's okay, I've got things I've gotta do anyways.
"When a black ant meets a red ant in crossing, do you think that they acknowledge each others existence. Or do you think they find each other better than the latter?
Or do they have like a mutual respect for each other?"
It's so confusing.
My new job. My first demo. and I cut my leg open with a computer and have to get 9 stiches.
3" deep.
5" wide.
I've gone 18 years without breaking anything or needing stiches.
and then 2 weeks into not having insurance I have to get 9 stiches.
what the heck.
Tony is gone again.
I got to see him for all of 5 minutes. But that's okay, I've got things I've gotta do anyways.
"When a black ant meets a red ant in crossing, do you think that they acknowledge each others existence. Or do you think they find each other better than the latter?
Or do they have like a mutual respect for each other?"
It's so confusing.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
And in the end the lovers die.
Because that's how elephants roll.
Maybe he killed the kid, because that kid was the only actual proof that he really was as weird as everyone claimed he was.
and all he really wanted was to be normal. So to make himself normal, he had to eliminate all the people who were previously viewed as normal. And all the people who viewed them that way.
Welcome to the transition period.
This is going to hurt.
"There were no meaningful quotes, no real profound words of wisdom. Just what you saw, and what you grabbed from it, let's just hope that that will be enough to teach us a thing or two."
Maybe he killed the kid, because that kid was the only actual proof that he really was as weird as everyone claimed he was.
and all he really wanted was to be normal. So to make himself normal, he had to eliminate all the people who were previously viewed as normal. And all the people who viewed them that way.
Welcome to the transition period.
This is going to hurt.
"There were no meaningful quotes, no real profound words of wisdom. Just what you saw, and what you grabbed from it, let's just hope that that will be enough to teach us a thing or two."
Do they pay you extra to say that, or do you just do it for fun?
"It's all in the job."
Because of my awesome legs, the three movies I rented tonight only cost me $1.06 My training was...awkward to say the least. I love Brittany, and Ashley is great. but the guy who sat next to me is weird.
"It was a pleasure meeting you Meg."
"I think that if we're going to be working together as much as I believe we're going to be, then you should know that my name isn't Meg, it's Megin."
I'm going to be really successful at this job, I can tell already. and hopefully, if I'm lucky I'll be able to earn enough money to put me through Nicolet debt free. and any extra money I have is going to go into a good investment =)
I want to plant a tree. but not a tree that''s going to attract deer. I actually want to repel deer. as far away from any hunting stand as possible.
I just fell in love with the name "Elias" Eli for short. He's a photographer. and a writer. and a dreamer. one day I'm going to have a son like that. He's going to wear courdoroy trousers, and old band tee-shirts. Like the beatles, and the who. and he's going to love his high tops. and his carrier is always going to have a good journal in it, his camera, and his mp3 player. and he's going to be smart, amazingly amazingly smart. with awesome blue eyes. =) and when people ask I'm going to say "Yeah, that's my kidd, I don't know how I got to be so lucky."
"The road is a dangerous place my boy, if you don't keep your feet, there's no saying where you'll be swept off to."
Because of my awesome legs, the three movies I rented tonight only cost me $1.06 My training was...awkward to say the least. I love Brittany, and Ashley is great. but the guy who sat next to me is weird.
"It was a pleasure meeting you Meg."
"I think that if we're going to be working together as much as I believe we're going to be, then you should know that my name isn't Meg, it's Megin."
I'm going to be really successful at this job, I can tell already. and hopefully, if I'm lucky I'll be able to earn enough money to put me through Nicolet debt free. and any extra money I have is going to go into a good investment =)
I want to plant a tree. but not a tree that''s going to attract deer. I actually want to repel deer. as far away from any hunting stand as possible.
I just fell in love with the name "Elias" Eli for short. He's a photographer. and a writer. and a dreamer. one day I'm going to have a son like that. He's going to wear courdoroy trousers, and old band tee-shirts. Like the beatles, and the who. and he's going to love his high tops. and his carrier is always going to have a good journal in it, his camera, and his mp3 player. and he's going to be smart, amazingly amazingly smart. with awesome blue eyes. =) and when people ask I'm going to say "Yeah, that's my kidd, I don't know how I got to be so lucky."
"The road is a dangerous place my boy, if you don't keep your feet, there's no saying where you'll be swept off to."
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
To be or Not to be.
To be respected.
to be loved.
to be kept safe.
to be promised to
and to have that promise kept.
to be held up in importance.
and to be understood.
"For this relief much thanks: 'tis bitter cold,And I am sick at heart."
to be loved.
to be kept safe.
to be promised to
and to have that promise kept.
to be held up in importance.
and to be understood.
"For this relief much thanks: 'tis bitter cold,And I am sick at heart."
Me Manquez
I miss the days that I believed that every animal was "okay" on the inside.
and that everyone was good "deep down"
and even though the polar bear was made to eat humans,
and that old man hadn't been nice to anyone for as long as anyone could remember.
I was going to change all of that.
I was going to be the first woman to talk to that man and have him be nice.
and my friendly pet polar bear would be at my side.
I guess I needed to just realize that once someone has a destiny to be something.
There's no changing it.
I am who I am.
Why would I ever fight that, right?
"She's like a black cat, with a black backpack full of firework and she's going to burn the city down right now"
and that everyone was good "deep down"
and even though the polar bear was made to eat humans,
and that old man hadn't been nice to anyone for as long as anyone could remember.
I was going to change all of that.
I was going to be the first woman to talk to that man and have him be nice.
and my friendly pet polar bear would be at my side.
I guess I needed to just realize that once someone has a destiny to be something.
There's no changing it.
I am who I am.
Why would I ever fight that, right?
"She's like a black cat, with a black backpack full of firework and she's going to burn the city down right now"
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Importance of Being Megin.
Do you get it?
No?
That's okay... I only know one person right now who would.
I'm trying to figure out how to be perfect.
Not like pleasantville or stepford wife perfect,
just being the person that I want to be.
And although this may seem conceited,
I think that I am actually becoming that person quickly.
I think I'm a good sister.
A good friend.
A good girlfriend.
And although I know that I'm not perfect, I'm not that bad.
But I can't help feeling as if I'm not a good daughter.
It's not that I don't want to be.
And it's not as if I'm not trying.
It's just that no matter what I do I don't feel as if I'm doing what he wants me to do.
And I swear I'm actully trying
So I've come to the conclusion, that to be a good everything else.
I'm not always going to be a good daughter.
Because my dad wants me to do what he thinks is right.
but sometimes I have to do what I think is right.
and know what I want to do for me.
I have to remember that to be a good everything else I have to be a good me.
"How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals. Won’t you come in?"
No?
That's okay... I only know one person right now who would.
I'm trying to figure out how to be perfect.
Not like pleasantville or stepford wife perfect,
just being the person that I want to be.
And although this may seem conceited,
I think that I am actually becoming that person quickly.
I think I'm a good sister.
A good friend.
A good girlfriend.
And although I know that I'm not perfect, I'm not that bad.
But I can't help feeling as if I'm not a good daughter.
It's not that I don't want to be.
And it's not as if I'm not trying.
It's just that no matter what I do I don't feel as if I'm doing what he wants me to do.
And I swear I'm actully trying
So I've come to the conclusion, that to be a good everything else.
I'm not always going to be a good daughter.
Because my dad wants me to do what he thinks is right.
but sometimes I have to do what I think is right.
and know what I want to do for me.
I have to remember that to be a good everything else I have to be a good me.
"How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals. Won’t you come in?"
It's raining. Hallelujah.
I love the calm, peaceful rain.
it's beautiful.
I got the job.
which is awesome.
I start training on thursday.
end on saturday.
and then start sellin!
I end my training at 3 on saturday. Which is going to cause a little bit of conflict. Seeing as Tony is getting into town at like 1 and leaving soon afterwards...
this is life.
"The wind has started to blow, and there goes the leaves from the tree who was only able to hold them for a short time."
keep me bare.
it's beautiful.
I got the job.
which is awesome.
I start training on thursday.
end on saturday.
and then start sellin!
I end my training at 3 on saturday. Which is going to cause a little bit of conflict. Seeing as Tony is getting into town at like 1 and leaving soon afterwards...
this is life.
"The wind has started to blow, and there goes the leaves from the tree who was only able to hold them for a short time."
keep me bare.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Always huh?
I'm watching America's next top dance crew.
it's amazing.
I have to help finish the garage with my dad.
The ex. continuously yells.
and the boy wants to get me pickles.
"I close my eyes and kiss my hand, then I blow it. But it was never ment for you, and you notice."
it's amazing.
I have to help finish the garage with my dad.
The ex. continuously yells.
and the boy wants to get me pickles.
"I close my eyes and kiss my hand, then I blow it. But it was never ment for you, and you notice."
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Easier and Easier.
I said goodbye to Tony again.
He left for vacation with Adams family for one entire week.
and then he'll be back for about a half an hour next saturday and then he's gone again for...I'm not sure how long.
Wes is having relationship struggles so I'm going to hang out with him tonight and take advantage of the fact that he won't argue about what movie I'm making him watch.
&&
I'm disgustingly tired.
"showering afterwards is never fun for me it's like I'm losing the little part of you that I had from that hug."
makes me sad.
Once a month. anymore and we'll be addicted.
"come day go day, wish in my heart it was sunday, drinkin' buttermilk all the week.
and whiskey on sunday."
He left for vacation with Adams family for one entire week.
and then he'll be back for about a half an hour next saturday and then he's gone again for...I'm not sure how long.
Wes is having relationship struggles so I'm going to hang out with him tonight and take advantage of the fact that he won't argue about what movie I'm making him watch.
&&
I'm disgustingly tired.
"showering afterwards is never fun for me it's like I'm losing the little part of you that I had from that hug."
makes me sad.
Once a month. anymore and we'll be addicted.
"come day go day, wish in my heart it was sunday, drinkin' buttermilk all the week.
and whiskey on sunday."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Fall For You.
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am tryingI know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find.
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am tryingI know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find.
It is you I have loved all along.
About 24 hours from now my boyfriend will be in town.
and in less than 48 I will have to say goodbye to him again, so he can go on a much needed and much earned vacation.
I'm hanging out with Wendy tonight.
I have almost all the free time in the world, however, everyone and their mother have time to hang out with me all on the same day.
everyone's throwing a party
everyone needs a sitter.
everyone needs support.
all I really want is a day to read.
and write.
and walk.
and cuddle.
oh, and I want one of those one in a million smiles.
actually when it comes to him it's a one in six point two billion smiles.
because he's got the best one ever.
and in less than 48 I will have to say goodbye to him again, so he can go on a much needed and much earned vacation.
I'm hanging out with Wendy tonight.
I have almost all the free time in the world, however, everyone and their mother have time to hang out with me all on the same day.
everyone's throwing a party
everyone needs a sitter.
everyone needs support.
all I really want is a day to read.
and write.
and walk.
and cuddle.
oh, and I want one of those one in a million smiles.
actually when it comes to him it's a one in six point two billion smiles.
because he's got the best one ever.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I'm still walkin.
I'm in an awesome relationship. Long distance or no. It's amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
[[other than the fact that we don't have a teleporter]]
I got work out shorts yesterday.
and some other shorts.
and a new shirt that's totally hott.
I love to write.
I know I've said that before, but I wrote yesterday and I remembered just how much I use to love it, and realized how much I missed it.
Life is beautiful.
and I'm not such a girl anymore.
[[not in the physical sense ya sickos.]]
lol
♥
-end-
[[other than the fact that we don't have a teleporter]]
I got work out shorts yesterday.
and some other shorts.
and a new shirt that's totally hott.
I love to write.
I know I've said that before, but I wrote yesterday and I remembered just how much I use to love it, and realized how much I missed it.
Life is beautiful.
and I'm not such a girl anymore.
[[not in the physical sense ya sickos.]]
lol
♥
-end-
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
what're you thinking.
"Blank"
woah.
so the things I've learned in the past week are as follows.
Boys are uninspirational.
When running late, if you're willing to risk your life my brother would be the best choice for a ride.
I love to write, more than I thought.
I am going to have no time to read all the books I have this summer.
and I'm too much of a girl.
and too into internet.
::sigh::
let's stop and ponder
"No I don't need a cigarette, I'm trying to quit. It'll make me cuter."
woah.
so the things I've learned in the past week are as follows.
Boys are uninspirational.
When running late, if you're willing to risk your life my brother would be the best choice for a ride.
I love to write, more than I thought.
I am going to have no time to read all the books I have this summer.
and I'm too much of a girl.
and too into internet.
::sigh::
let's stop and ponder
"No I don't need a cigarette, I'm trying to quit. It'll make me cuter."
Monday, June 2, 2008
Write me a love song that makes me cry.
and then punch a guy in the eye because he copped a feel as I walked by.
I need...
a moment.
a hug.
a good cry.
a wonderful cd.
some ice cream.
a teleporter.
a wonderful movie.
my journal.
a good book.
and a rainy day.
and I'm pretty sure my life would be complete.
as this folds out I'm afraid that I'll be left in the dust.
I'm excited there's going to be dust. so don't get me wrong.
but I'm sad I'm going to be in it.
I'm going with Wesley to get his tattoo.
and I'll probably get mine then as well.
::I Corinthians 13::
on my right wrist.
I want to change my life.
I want to be a better person.
I want...
I want to write a book.
and I want a hug.
I need...
a moment.
a hug.
a good cry.
a wonderful cd.
some ice cream.
a teleporter.
a wonderful movie.
my journal.
a good book.
and a rainy day.
and I'm pretty sure my life would be complete.
as this folds out I'm afraid that I'll be left in the dust.
I'm excited there's going to be dust. so don't get me wrong.
but I'm sad I'm going to be in it.
I'm going with Wesley to get his tattoo.
and I'll probably get mine then as well.
::I Corinthians 13::
on my right wrist.
I want to change my life.
I want to be a better person.
I want...
I want to write a book.
and I want a hug.
Inspiration.
"I hate being around you becuase you don't inspire me, you don't make me want to sing, or dance, or write. I become this lifeless shell when you're around, and I hate it."
I have now officially graduated high school.
I have also turned 18.
Moved my dads shop.
Lost a stalker.
Said goodbye to my boyfriend, twice.
Gotten a new scooter.
Lost friends.
Gotten new books.
and almost found old friends.
all in the past 8 days.
I'm going to apply to Nicolet today.
which means if I get accepted that I'm leaving after this summer.
and possibly losing one of my best friends.
but gaining so much more.
I'm sick of all of this change, of being an adult, and of feeling as if I didn't have enough time to be a kidd.
"Pass me that cigarette, because he's gone and I don't think he's coming back."
-take a drag-
I have now officially graduated high school.
I have also turned 18.
Moved my dads shop.
Lost a stalker.
Said goodbye to my boyfriend, twice.
Gotten a new scooter.
Lost friends.
Gotten new books.
and almost found old friends.
all in the past 8 days.
I'm going to apply to Nicolet today.
which means if I get accepted that I'm leaving after this summer.
and possibly losing one of my best friends.
but gaining so much more.
I'm sick of all of this change, of being an adult, and of feeling as if I didn't have enough time to be a kidd.
"Pass me that cigarette, because he's gone and I don't think he's coming back."
-take a drag-
Thursday, May 29, 2008
To counteract what I said:
Tony's gone, all the way to Indianola Iowa. and I know that it's stupid to type about it now. Since ya know he's coming back tommorow. But I'm not so sure that I miss him as much as I otherwise should. Or maybe it's not that I Don't miss him. It's just that I know that We're going to be fine? I don't know. I still love him Like crazy. and I still totally want to be with him.
I just don't know why I don't miss him as much as I think I should. Especially when I'm not talking to him. I mean I wish he was here to share in things with me. But mostly I'm just so excited about him being there, that I don't really mind him not sharing in these things with me.
Like last night he didn't call when he said he would. and in any other relationship I would've went off the handle. but with him I was just like "Oh that's fine, he's probably talking to Jon or hanging with the kids, or doing a devotional. I'll just talk to him later."
[[Which by the way for any Tassi to say something like that, is just unnatural]]
anyways...
I'm done with high school. I have to go to graduation on Sunday. But other than that, I'm completely finished.
I lost a few friends this week.
Which is fine, they weren't worth half of what my other ones are.
and most importantly.
I stayed in love.
Which was a worry of mine to be honest with you.
I got a new journal.
It's very pretty. and I like it very much.
I'm going to be like Jane Austen and have long hair and wear ugly clothing, and write ALL THE TIME.
I'm so excited =]
well I guess that's really all for now.
-End.
I just don't know why I don't miss him as much as I think I should. Especially when I'm not talking to him. I mean I wish he was here to share in things with me. But mostly I'm just so excited about him being there, that I don't really mind him not sharing in these things with me.
Like last night he didn't call when he said he would. and in any other relationship I would've went off the handle. but with him I was just like "Oh that's fine, he's probably talking to Jon or hanging with the kids, or doing a devotional. I'll just talk to him later."
[[Which by the way for any Tassi to say something like that, is just unnatural]]
anyways...
I'm done with high school. I have to go to graduation on Sunday. But other than that, I'm completely finished.
I lost a few friends this week.
Which is fine, they weren't worth half of what my other ones are.
and most importantly.
I stayed in love.
Which was a worry of mine to be honest with you.
I got a new journal.
It's very pretty. and I like it very much.
I'm going to be like Jane Austen and have long hair and wear ugly clothing, and write ALL THE TIME.
I'm so excited =]
well I guess that's really all for now.
-End.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Copy Cat.
Or just a cat in general I'm not sure.
I'm trying to stop swearing. I promise I am.
It's just hard because 2% of my friends want me to stop and the other 98% either don't care or would much rather me swear instead.
Kyle likes ashley. Which is scary, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I get kinda protective when it comes to that kidd.
Tony is gone. He went away to Iowa last Sunday. Which is fine, it's not like I don't miss him or anything, it's just that he needs to be there, and I need to be here.
I have my last day of highschool tommorow. Which is exciting, yet scary all at the same time.
I kinda feel as if I failed this test God gave me [[highschool I mean]] because I didn't really do anything. I just kept to myself and didn't participate. I had like 3 friends that were consistent.
Which is kinda sad. I feel as if I was supposed to do something more and I didn't.
I lost my dreams. I don't know how I did it, and I don't really know why. But they're gone. I want them back more than anything, it use to be exciting to wake up and try to remember what I dreamed about. But now... there's just nothing. It's really depressing.
I've gotta graduation party this Saturday at my house.
So far I've decided to invite:
ayrton.
ashleigh.
Bobert.
The W. crew. [[only deb can come though]]
Anne and her boyfriend.
Anthony. && his familia.
Mom and Dad McBride. [[Probably Danny as well]]
annd My Adam Gerlach.
Maybe Renee and Cruz too.
Which means I have a whole lotta cleaning to do.
My birthday is on friday.
Which is muey exciting. I'm going to be 18.
but I can't really do anything about being 18 until I get my new social.
[[because then I can get my i.d card]]
and I can't get my new social until my daddy gives me my birth certificate.
[[and that's going to be awhile.]]
I'm going to Bong recreational Park for my birthday.
which should be fun if it doesn't rain.
[[but of course it's supposed to]]
because that's my luck.
BUT! I get to see mah awesome boyfriend.
and my beautiful//wonderful bestfriend.
So I don't really care if it rains syrup.
[[I'm lying I think I'd cry.]]
I'm going to go finish my homework.
do my application [[yes I'm very serious this time]]
and clean mah casa.
oh and then I'm going to go to mah cama.
and dormir for about a bazillion years.
I love you.
I'm trying to stop swearing. I promise I am.
It's just hard because 2% of my friends want me to stop and the other 98% either don't care or would much rather me swear instead.
Kyle likes ashley. Which is scary, I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I get kinda protective when it comes to that kidd.
Tony is gone. He went away to Iowa last Sunday. Which is fine, it's not like I don't miss him or anything, it's just that he needs to be there, and I need to be here.
I have my last day of highschool tommorow. Which is exciting, yet scary all at the same time.
I kinda feel as if I failed this test God gave me [[highschool I mean]] because I didn't really do anything. I just kept to myself and didn't participate. I had like 3 friends that were consistent.
Which is kinda sad. I feel as if I was supposed to do something more and I didn't.
I lost my dreams. I don't know how I did it, and I don't really know why. But they're gone. I want them back more than anything, it use to be exciting to wake up and try to remember what I dreamed about. But now... there's just nothing. It's really depressing.
I've gotta graduation party this Saturday at my house.
So far I've decided to invite:
ayrton.
ashleigh.
Bobert.
The W. crew. [[only deb can come though]]
Anne and her boyfriend.
Anthony. && his familia.
Mom and Dad McBride. [[Probably Danny as well]]
annd My Adam Gerlach.
Maybe Renee and Cruz too.
Which means I have a whole lotta cleaning to do.
My birthday is on friday.
Which is muey exciting. I'm going to be 18.
but I can't really do anything about being 18 until I get my new social.
[[because then I can get my i.d card]]
and I can't get my new social until my daddy gives me my birth certificate.
[[and that's going to be awhile.]]
I'm going to Bong recreational Park for my birthday.
which should be fun if it doesn't rain.
[[but of course it's supposed to]]
because that's my luck.
BUT! I get to see mah awesome boyfriend.
and my beautiful//wonderful bestfriend.
So I don't really care if it rains syrup.
[[I'm lying I think I'd cry.]]
I'm going to go finish my homework.
do my application [[yes I'm very serious this time]]
and clean mah casa.
oh and then I'm going to go to mah cama.
and dormir for about a bazillion years.
I love you.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A week of things that I'll never forget.
So this week was by far, one of the absolute weirdest I've had in awhile.
there was prayer which was good.
and lack of prayer. [[which doesn't sound good but trust me it'll help in the long run]]
there was gossip. [[which needs to stop]]
there was screaming [[which is going to stop]]
there was crying [[and almost too much]]
and there was realization [[but too late]]
This has been a week of me needing one of those continuous hugs.
just one of those hugs that someone gives you and you know it's been sent from God.
and you melt into it like you were born to be there.
I have banquet tonight.
this is the end of high school.
and I feel like a failure.
-end-
there was prayer which was good.
and lack of prayer. [[which doesn't sound good but trust me it'll help in the long run]]
there was gossip. [[which needs to stop]]
there was screaming [[which is going to stop]]
there was crying [[and almost too much]]
and there was realization [[but too late]]
This has been a week of me needing one of those continuous hugs.
just one of those hugs that someone gives you and you know it's been sent from God.
and you melt into it like you were born to be there.
I have banquet tonight.
this is the end of high school.
and I feel like a failure.
-end-
Friday, May 9, 2008
I will remember you.
a time for change.
that's what this is.
I need a serious change of scenery.
I'm thinking I'ma travel this summer.
Just pack up.
and go away.
I'm thinking that would be the best plan.
who's with me?
that's what this is.
I need a serious change of scenery.
I'm thinking I'ma travel this summer.
Just pack up.
and go away.
I'm thinking that would be the best plan.
who's with me?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do. It matters if I'm disliked, it really does. I wanted security, that's what I was looking for when I came there, but there was dishonesty, and now I have to choose? This is what I was trying to avoid.
I need to get my thoughts together. I need time to think.
I need to leave.
I need to get my thoughts together. I need time to think.
I need to leave.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Let's think about this logically.
h wait, that's right, I'm not logical.
I don't know what I want, or where I'm going.
all I know is that I'm confused about 99.8% of my life.
and the other .2 doesn't even matter.
shoot me now please?
I don't know what I want, or where I'm going.
all I know is that I'm confused about 99.8% of my life.
and the other .2 doesn't even matter.
shoot me now please?
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Life as it is, was, is going to be.
Tony got into nicolet =] which is awesome because I know he's super excited about it =]
I'm sending in my forms for it either tomorrow or tuesday.
I'm looking for a job. because I need one real bad.
I'm going to start reading the bible. I want to be able to finish it in a year so Tony offered to read it with me to kinda keep me motivated =]
I'm taking bass lessons, and even though I've only had one lesson I can tell my teacher rocks. and I'm going to love every second of it.
I need to do 2 current events for American Society. but I'm too lazy to get them.
There's a rummage sale at my house next saturday. and I want to make some hemp stuff to sell there so I can get a little extra money.
There's a creepy freshman in my 4th period.
and sometimes girls make me mad.
but I'm working on the girl problem not bugging me, because I know I'd act the same way.
God has been blessing me with alot of babysitting hours lately which is great because I need the money, but not so great because I'm not really able to chill with people as much as I want.
oh.
and I'm seeing tony =]
-the end-
I'm sending in my forms for it either tomorrow or tuesday.
I'm looking for a job. because I need one real bad.
I'm going to start reading the bible. I want to be able to finish it in a year so Tony offered to read it with me to kinda keep me motivated =]
I'm taking bass lessons, and even though I've only had one lesson I can tell my teacher rocks. and I'm going to love every second of it.
I need to do 2 current events for American Society. but I'm too lazy to get them.
There's a rummage sale at my house next saturday. and I want to make some hemp stuff to sell there so I can get a little extra money.
There's a creepy freshman in my 4th period.
and sometimes girls make me mad.
but I'm working on the girl problem not bugging me, because I know I'd act the same way.
God has been blessing me with alot of babysitting hours lately which is great because I need the money, but not so great because I'm not really able to chill with people as much as I want.
oh.
and I'm seeing tony =]
-the end-
Friday, April 4, 2008
Things to think on.
So, I just got done with finals.
And I don't think you understand how excited I am about it.
I've been thinking about next year alot.
it's a little scary.
I know I want to go to college, but still...
I just need alot of time to think.
and then a little more time to figure out what I'm thinking about haha.
hey you know what a good movie is?
not 21!
bahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha
I'm so funny.
four hours away is waaaayyyy too far.
but 6 is just about right?
and no you're not a blabber mouth. Don't think things like that.
now tell me all about what's going on with her again?
"It was the most annoying thing in the world, but I couldn't stop laughing because it tickled so bad!"
it's like an oyster mating call!
She said she's going to eat me turkey.
You open the umbrella and then you rock the car!
bahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahaha.
Life is actually wonderful.
confusing. and it has a few weird moments.
but wonderful none the less.
=]
♥
And I don't think you understand how excited I am about it.
I've been thinking about next year alot.
it's a little scary.
I know I want to go to college, but still...
I just need alot of time to think.
and then a little more time to figure out what I'm thinking about haha.
hey you know what a good movie is?
not 21!
bahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahaha
I'm so funny.
four hours away is waaaayyyy too far.
but 6 is just about right?
and no you're not a blabber mouth. Don't think things like that.
now tell me all about what's going on with her again?
"It was the most annoying thing in the world, but I couldn't stop laughing because it tickled so bad!"
it's like an oyster mating call!
She said she's going to eat me turkey.
You open the umbrella and then you rock the car!
bahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahaha.
Life is actually wonderful.
confusing. and it has a few weird moments.
but wonderful none the less.
=]
♥
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Let's talk
In my opinion the idea of "blogging" is wonderful. I just love being able to type what I think or what I feel openly.
=]
I've been looking into alot of options for next year some of which I think are less likely than others.
I'm going to be applying to parkside, gateway, eau claire, nicolet, and the school of worship.
The only two I am actually anxious to really get into would either be nicolet or eau claire. But that's really just because I feel as if I NEED to get away from Kenosha for a year. Ya know what I mean? I just feel as if I've been held back by everything here, and getting away would be...delicious. I really want a year to become closer to God and to hear what he has for my life without all the excess stuff.
To be perfectly honest with you that's why I'm leaning more towards Nicolet.
The only real problem with me going there if I'm excepted though would be the tuition.
=/
But it's all in God's hands.
<3's
-Megin
=]
I've been looking into alot of options for next year some of which I think are less likely than others.
I'm going to be applying to parkside, gateway, eau claire, nicolet, and the school of worship.
The only two I am actually anxious to really get into would either be nicolet or eau claire. But that's really just because I feel as if I NEED to get away from Kenosha for a year. Ya know what I mean? I just feel as if I've been held back by everything here, and getting away would be...delicious. I really want a year to become closer to God and to hear what he has for my life without all the excess stuff.
To be perfectly honest with you that's why I'm leaning more towards Nicolet.
The only real problem with me going there if I'm excepted though would be the tuition.
=/
But it's all in God's hands.
<3's
-Megin
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